The Dead of Night
by oneamsoundstage
Summary: I crave the blackness. It always seemed to me to be a reflection of my insides. Somehow, he was always able to bring me to another level of understanding this.
1. Chapter 1

**No, these characters are not mine. Except the ones I might create in the future. Anyways, enjoy.**

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The Dead of Night. 

Do you ever lie in bed? Staring up at the ceiling and asking yourself all these questions you never really get an answer to? Well, what if someone was laying next to you and those moments became someone else's?

The quietness scares me. I feel it pounding in my ears, like I'm waiting for something to happen.

"Sebastian?"

"You still up?" he says as he begins to wrap his arm around my abdomen. I reach out to finger his abs. He groans.

"Kathryn, can you please not do that?" he says as he tries to pry my hand away from him.

"Do what?" I raspily whisper (in the way that always got him up) as I begin to press against him more.

He stops holding me and pulls away.

"What did you want to ask me?"

I collapse back onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling once again.

"I was thinking about why I try so hard to be so fucking perfect. What's the point? So I can be loved? So I can have people praise me? So my ego can blow up and I can smile proudly at myself? I'm a fly attracted to the light bulb. I wish I could just go away and live in peace. It's not in my nature. But it's nice to have that thought of escape from the confines of the society we live in."

He says nothing. And for a while, we just lay there absorbing everything.

A whisper jolts me from floating off into la-la land.

"At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid."

"Friedrich Nietzsche"

I expect him to say more. But he remains quiet again. Suddenly, without warning, his mouth is on me. Doing things I know he's done with countless girls. Somehow I still feel it's different with me. The few clothes we still had on are stripped away and then I finally notice he is positioned at my entrance. I am torn between kicking him off the bed or letting him enter. He holds himself above me while I overanalyze the situation.

Leaning down, he whispers, "Give into me Kathryn. I've waited long enough. The opponents have disappeared."

I feel the tip touch me by a millimeter. Fuck it. I flip him over and slide myself onto him. The last thing I remember is screaming as everything blends into darkness.

------

The sun is blinding. And if I didn't have on these huge sunglasses, I'd probably have lost my vision by now. Birds chirp above me. The sky was as blue as can be. I feel like I'm in one of those fucking Polaroid photos they plaster all over their advertisements. Someone get me a vodka tonic to wash away this headache.

"Hey."

I can recognize that voice anywhere.

"You're blocking my fucking sun."

I can feel the corners of his smirk forming. Bastard.

"Really? I had no idea you had so much money to actually buy the _sun_. Who'd you hand the money to? God? Oh wait, you don't believe in him. Seriously Kathryn, who's the lucky banker?"

I retaliate by jamming my foot at his shin and feel him topple onto the ground next to me.

He yells under his breath, "Fucking whore" as I laugh. He always was good for a laugh. When is he going to learn to stop messing around me? Oh right, never. Idiots, these days.

I continue getting my tan and almost completely forget his existence when I feel a hand crawling up my thigh.

"Do you ever get tired of sex?"

"I will when you do."

"Fat chance."

"Then there's your answer.'

He stops moving his hand and pulls away. Finally. Maybe I can finally get some peace and… The sound of something ripping interrupts my thought process and a mouth has planted itself onto my lower region. Oh fuck. I moan despite myself.

"Sebastian! Stop. Oh right there. Fuck. Sebast…ian. We're outside. At your Aunt's estate. Anybody can see… (I moan again) us."

I can no longer think and the only words I could form were "Right there and fuck." Sebastian is going to be the end of me.

I don't know how long we were in that position but my brain started functioning again when I heard someone screaming our names.

I saw Sebastian's head pop up like a little weasel when I turned to see where the interruption came from. We glance at each other for a second before we scramble to make it look like nothing explicit had been taking place. It was much more harder for me since the little fucker tore my bikini bottom. I frantically tried tying it back together as he handed me a towel he had brought with him. I just finished fixing it and started wrapping the towel around me as Mrs. Rosemond stepped onto the deserted field we were on.

"Ah, there you are. I was wondering where you two had disappeared to. Lunch is being served on the patio." She said as we looked politely at her.

"Of course. We're so sorry we made it hard for you. Sebastian and I just wanted to soak in some sun on such a beautiful day." I said in my perfect debutante voice.

"No worries, my dear. We better hurry along though. We don't want the lemonade to become hot." She said as she started to turn around and walked back towards the estate.

I sigh in relief and drop my acting face. Sebastian grabs a hold of my hand as he drags me in the same direction as his aunt. I try to pull away but he only tightens his hold. He only smirks in return as I send glares towards his head.

Fucking bastard always thinks he can get away with anything. Then again, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I wasn't the same. Maybe the heat wave really is getting to my head.

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**Reviews are welcome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**No, these characters are not mine.**

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Chapter 2— 

I breathe in and out like they tell you on those retarded mental infomercials or whatever they call it. I start to play with the wine glass I had in my hand and watch it in fascination as the red gets closer and closer to the edge. I lean against the ledge on my balcony as I look out onto sea. A ringing noise in the background brings me out of my stupor and I in turn tilt my head back in annoyance.

"_So what are you saying?"_

"_I'm going to go away for a little bit."_

"_How little are we talking about? A week? A month? God forbid, a year?"_

"_I don't know. All I know is you'll be seeing me."_

"_Kathryn."_

_His voice fades away as I walk out the door._

I leave the glass on the ledge as I begrudgingly set back towards my room. I glance at the caller (figures) before flipping the phone open.

"Yes?"

"Don't sound too excited for little ol' me."

"Cut to the chase Tuttle."

"How are you? And may I ask where are you?"

"Blaine…"

"Kathryn, I'm just asking because I miss my little bulimic head case. No need to get all pouty on me."

"Blaine!"

"_He_ misses you. He's been scouring all over God's green earth to find you."

"Oh, how sweet of him. Shall I come flying back into his arms like some fairy tale? Main female character wanted some space after a series of incidents and gets an epiphany of her ignorance when she hears of main male character reach a pathetic level of desperation. Spare me. I told him he'd be seeing me. I don't plan on going back on that promise. So just tell him to continue fucking waiting."

"Valmont is not your regular patient person Kathryn. In fact, his temperament when he doesn't get what he wants can match yours. If you don't get your fine little ass back here soon, he's going to want to find and castrate you instead of exchange flirty snide remarks."

"In faith we must prevail. Goodbye Tuttle."

I click off as he protests.

Looking around my settings, I ponder of how I can possibly leave this place. I do miss the chaos however. Things just got too complicated. My relationship with Sebastian went to a new level and I couldn't get caught up in something permanent with him. I needed escape to deal with my thoughts. Having someone understand me to such a degree… I don't know.

"Kathryn…" someone whispers behind me.

"Leave now." I say with the most force I could emanate.

"I fucked Annette."

"Yes, I know."

I can tell he's shocked by the way he intakes a sharp breath feel his clothes rustle as he straightens up.

"How did you know?"

"Does it matter?"

We remain where we are in silence as he tries to rack his brain for something to say.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to get to this…"

I didn't feel like hearing him out and start to walk out towards the balcony but stop when I feel a tight grip on my arm. I can tell his nostrils are flaring with a passion now. Damn him.

"Let me the fuck go." I respond.

"Would you let me finish you impatient little bitch?"

"I will if you cool it with your goddamn temper and release your hold on my arm. Believe me, I could have you kicked out with one simple high-noted scream by a few hidden burly men you haven't seen yet and wouldn't want to meet."

He releases me and I remain.

"The level we were reaching was scaring the fuck out of me alright?" He pauses to run one of his hands through his hair. I can tell by the sound of it. He takes a breath before he continues. "The caresses, the comfort, the safety. It was suffocating me. _We_ were suffocating each other. We were acting like some old married couple and it slightly disgusted me. We were changing into people we despise. So I had to fuck up. Something had to stop this cycle. Don't fucking say you weren't beginning to feel the same. If it wasn't me, it would've been you."

"Leave now."

"Kathryn."

"Enough!" I began to clench and unclench my fists as a fire began to set off within me. "I told you to wait. I told you that you'd see me soon on my own terms. All you had to do was wait. But no. You couldn't even do that. You had to seek me out. _To continue this game of suffocation_. You're right Valmont. If it wasn't you, it would've been me. But it wasn't. You have no right to be here right now invading my space. Get the fuck out Valmont. And if you try to further convince me to go with you now, I won't be coming back at all."

I haven't turned around once during this exchange but I can feel his soul crumpling. That's right asshole. Leave now. I fold my arms together and noticed that my back is back to being completely tense as I hear his shoes scuffing the floor. He draws a breath.

"Go."

I don't loosen my body until I hear the door click in resignation. I turn my head to look over my shoulder at the door and drop my arms. When I look back toward the balcony, I notice that my glass of wine has disappeared. I walk back out and see him in all his power suit perfection holding my wine glass up to his nose.

"Well done. I was beginning to wonder where your spine went."

"Thank you."

"If we weren't related by blood, well, let's not go there. I know you like to twist up relationships no matter whether or not it's legal." He smirks at me and I pinch him in the arm.

"Ouch. Now was that really necessary?" He says as the smirk has disappeared from his face.

I snatch the glass away from him as I start to walk away from him.

"So how was your meeting?"

"Ghastly. I'd rather have been swimming out there." He nods towards the water. "It's such a glorious day, don't you think?" Erik asks me while smiling the same smile he probably does that makes most girls swoon over him.

Erik Merteuil. Billionaire playboy, CEO of one of the most prominent media companies in the world at 21, and one of my dear cousins. I've heard girls talk about his dark green eyes and how they want to jump him when he gives a mere glance towards their direction. Personally, I don't see it. But there's be something much more inherently wrong with me than I thought if I did.

"What's stopping you?"

"Wouldn't want to leave my beautiful cousin all alone."

"Oh please. Just go. You look like you're in desperate need of a good fuck. I'm sure one of those girls swimming out there can appease you."

He looks at me in shock and puts his hand over his heart.

"Are you alright Kathryn?" He strides over and feels my forehead with his palm. "No fever. What's going on? You're being generous. That's so unlike you."

I slap his hand away and scowl as he chuckles at me.

"Why don't you join me? Come on, it'll be like old times when you came here during the summers as a little girl." He smiles at me and I consider his proposition.

I was about to say yes when without warning, he has plopped me over his shoulders and starts to carry me with him out the door. My fists pound on him while he just laughs in that easy way that he does.

"Live a little Kathryn. Then, maybe, you can get back to your life in New York. I love that you're here and it's been a pleasure. But we both know where you belong."

I stop pounding him while my mouth slants upwards involuntarily. I'm beginning to make it too easy for men in my life to understand me. Goddamn them all.

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Vm: I'm glad you liked it. You have no idea how relieved I am. And I didn't think I would update this quickly but the words are coming to me. Hopefully a writer's block doesn't turn up. 

S: Really? It was not just pretty good, but great? Yes, that does make me feel better. Haha never thought I'd see the day for role reversals where you're the one reviewing _my_ work.

Summerlandlover: Thanks, I'm glad you found it interesting. I personally hate it when I get bored with reading something.

**Reviews are always welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**These characters are not mine.  
**

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Chapter 3— 

I love the feeling I get when I see a starless night sky. It means hope and light are replaced by utter darkness. Water slowly moves in and out of my ears. So this is what calmness feels like. Why have I never done this before?

It had been a hot summer day, the kind of day where you sweat involuntarily and feel disgusted with yourself. The heat only made it all the more easier for me to get angry for no other reason than to distract myself. Of course, who else is more fun to mess around with than Sebastian? I don't how it started but I do know that by the end of the fight, I had stormed out while his face had gone beet red. I had headed over to one of the hotels our family always has a suite booked at and stayed there.

After a little nap I had taken, I woke up to find that night had fallen and I decided to visit one of the outdoor pools which leads to where I am now. Floating. I close my eyes and find that my whole body has relaxed itself. No stress. No worries. No hidden anger. No Sebastian.

"So this is where you've been hiding yourself."

Oh God. I can already feel my muscles begin to tighten again.

"Mind if I join you?"

I groan in response. Before I can tell him to fuck off, he has dived into the pool causing a large splash to throw me off balance. Why does he have such a desire to do this to me all the time?

"Sebastian!" I scream as I wipe my face in frustration.

I hear nothing for a few seconds and frantically look underwater to see where he disappeared to. I spot someone moving below me and before I can move out of the way, he has pulled me underwater and started to cut off my oxygen with his lips. I try to push his arms off me but my size and lack of muscles make this difficult. I eventually give in like I do and soon he brings us back up to the surface. After a quick intake of air, I place my arms around his neck and a big goofy smile comes through before I can stop it.

"You're cute when you're happy."

This makes me smile even more in a way that I wish I could stop.

"Smug bastard."

"Insecure little whore."

I smirk at him and for a split second he returns it before I kick him with my right knee while he groans in pain and releases me. I laugh freely while I swim away from him. Once I'm at a safe distance, I start splashing him with huge waves while he yells in protest.

"I can't fucking see Kathryn! Stop that this instant!"

I continue laughing until I feel a force hit me from the bottom and suddenly find myself pinned against the pool wall. I turn my head when he tries to swoop in for a kiss. He tries to make me vulnerable by lightly touching one of my weak spots. I retaliate by putting my hand in his trunks and slowly tracing him. He lets go and I continue for another minute before I pull out and push him away. I only smirk at him when he lets out an indignant cry. Serves him right.

------

Shmm… hah…. Shmm…. Hah…. Shmm… hah…

God Sebastian likes to breathe. All right fine, I do too. I mean how can I not like to breathe? I'd be dead if I didn't. There's something about waking up at night though to the sound of someone breathing. It makes me feel like I want to suffocate the person so I can continue drifting off into blackness. I never did dream when I slept. Everything is void. Reality comforts me.

Instead of moving back to the suite, we stayed out on the deck and settled for one of the lush couches. We were a little worn out after our activities in the pool. I had somehow ended up curled around his side and resting my head on his bare chest when I distinctly remember falling asleep away from him. I need to move before he notices.

I start to extract myself when his arms begin to hold my body in place and tighten its hold any time I shift. Shit, I'm really actually starting to not be able to breathe. I move my head towards his ear.

"Sebastian." I hiss angrily.

He mumbles and moves his head towards my neck in response.

"Sebastian!"

"What?" He manages to get out.

"Loosen your grip. I can't breathe."

He moves away from my neck and blinks blearily at me like he had been sleeping for hundreds of years and I was the first person he'd seen for a long time. He loosens his hold just enough that I can breathe a little.

"Jesus. You really need to stop doing that. You know how cutting off…"

"Would you shut up already? I was actually enjoying my dream but you had to go and wake me up. The least you can do is have the decency to let me be after I heeded to your request."

"You did not. I'm still in your arms…"

"Where you should be. Now get back to sleep."

I scowl at him as he gets comfortable again. He smiles before he closes his eyes again. After a few minutes, I decide to have some fun.

"Sebastian" I whisper seductively into his ear.

No response.

"OH Sebastian. I'm almost there! Deeper. Fuck. Deeper." I begin to hiss louder.

He continues sleeping but he has gone almost rock solid. I pump him slowly and gently through his trunks while I whisper some more to him.

"Come with me."

And he does come, in a rapid pace as I manage to get off the couch and stride away from him laughing my way to the elevator. He shouldn't wake up until morning when others will be crowding around the pool area. I heard there was some sort of press conference there at 9am for a movie. About time I got him back for the Lake Tahoe incident.

------

Am I sick to say that this feels right? Then again, I am already sick. I ponder over this as the light leaves her eyes and watch as my hands tighten even more around the blade handle. The gushes of blood have now morphed into droplets. It makes me think her body is crying, crying for her sins. Sanctimonious bitch. Still trying to act like a saint from her soon-to-be grave. Thou shall not steal what doesn't belong to oneself. Unless, of course, if your intentions were never pure in the first place.

Have a nice afterlife Annette.

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**Reviews are welcome.**


	4. Chapter 4

**No, all the characters from the movie are not mine.  
**

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Chapter 4— 

I find death comforting. Knowing something, or more specifically someone, has lost all movement in life. Annette being dead comforts me to no avail.

She had it coming.

However way I analyze this, I can feel a karmic reward in the distance. Do I regret what I did? Should I repent my sins now? And the only answer I have to these questions of mine are fuck no. I've gone through much worse in the past than what I did to her. Memories I could have re-enacted in the form of Annette if I had chosen to. What I did to her was swift; she barely had time to react. I did the bitch a favor. She deserved so much worse.

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_Did you think you could've gotten away scotch-free with what you did Annette?"_

"_That's rich coming from you. How many relationships have you broken up simply because you were horny? I figured I was just balancing out the universe. Doing my part to bring some good into this world."_

_I boil with rage inside as I grip whatever calmness I had left. Oh Annette, you fucking moron._

"_Admit it. Though time has passed, and you've had your fair share of fucks, Sebastian was always the best for you. You didn't do it out of your own kind demented heart. You just needed release. So drop your virgin façade and live up to what you did. Then at least God will spare you from hell."_

"_Like you even believe in God."_

"_What does it matter? It's not like you'll be here much longer to lecture me about using his name in vain."_

"_What do you mean by that?"_

_With one move through the air, the blade striked her heart. She takes a sharp intake of air as she looks at me in fear. Did you really think I'd let you continue living?_

_------ _

"So what happened?"

"What ever do you mean Blaine?"

"Sly bitch. You know what I'm talking about."

I let a smirk slip through before I coyly turn away from him.

"Kathryn."

I take a sip of my mocha latte and cross my legs.

"Kathryn!"

"What?" I asked in an annoyed tone.

"Spill."

"Alright fine. I stabbed the bitch." I said as I waved my right hand in the air.

"I knew it." He smiles triumphantly before he continues, "Valmont won't be too happy when he finds out."

"Oh shut the fuck up Blaine. He has no right to be angry. He knew who I was when he got involved with me. He knew there would be more than one repercussion from what he did."

"I would say you two are more than involved."

He smiles while I glare.

"Now now Kathryn, no need to get all hostile on me. I just thought it was about time that you acknowledged it as past fuck buddies zone."

A smile cracks through and we both begin chuckling.

We had been sitting at an outdoor café in Soho for a few hours now. I'm not prone to saying how lovely a day is or to follow the usual clichés of walking around the park while holding hands with a significant other. No, when I woke up this morning and felt the weather from out on the balcony, I decided to ditch Sebastian and call up Blaine.

As I left, I purposely left my cell phone on top of my pillow.

"You know Kathryn, after knowing Valmont as long as I've known you, I can tell you that he's not going to take it lightly when he finds out Annette is dead."

I smile as a thought crossed my mind.

"There is so much you don't know about our relationship Blaine."

------

Click. Clack. Click. Clack. The sound reverberates as I make my way towards him. His posture is slouched and he seems to be contemplating something as I sit down beside him. He continues facing forward as I turn to look at him. There are slight grey bags under his eyes and I can see small indentations of past worry lines on his forehead. His silence is unnerving.

We sit there for a while, staring at the droplets of water coming down the backyard fountain. You'd think I'd be seeing Annette's blood, but the feeling of remorse hasn't existed within me for a while now. Not since after my aunt died.

He falls back on the steps while looking up at the moon, "You know I had believed in innocence. Despite my ethics and principles, despite the fact that I had never really seen it in real form, I held onto the idea that something or someone out there held it. I thought I saw that in Annette. I can see now that there is no such thing as innocence. I can see now it has always been dead."

He chuckles as he looks at me.

"How did she die?"

"Through her heart."

"You understand we are now both black in the heart."

I raise my eyebrow at him.

"I set up Court to look as if he was the one that killed her."

"Why the question when you already knew?"

"I wanted to hear it from you."

He stands before I can really say anything.

"Come on. I'm ready to celebrate. The prick's finally dead."

I take his outstretched hand and he starts walking back inside when he notices that I stay firmly rooted to the ground.

"How did he die?"

"Through his mind."

"Ironic."

"Figured you'd be pleased."

Not letting his hand drop, I close the distance between us and whisper into his ear.

"Why don't I show you just how _pleased_ I am right here? I'm an impatient woman Sebastian."

I smile before I place my hand behind his head and bring him down to my level.

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A/N: I hope everyone is enjoying this story as much I am in writing it. I still don't quite know where I'm going with this but hopefully in time, it'll come to me. As always, reviews are welcome. 

_S: ) I hope my writing continues to be well in this chapter.  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**No, all the characters from the movie are not mine.**

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Chapter 5— 

"The final passenger has now arrived. Please excuse the delay and fasten your seat belts. We will be taking off in just a few minutes."

I shut my eyes and attempt to relax into my seat.

"_Why are you starting this again?"_

"_Because I don't understand why we have to spend 20 hours on a flight just to go to this social nightmare."_

"_Aww… is someone jealous?"_

"_Hardly. I'm annoyed."_

_Wedding of the Century. Or so the newspapers liked to call it. Michelle Valmont had actually accepted the marriage proposal of some god-ugly Dutch prince a couple of months ago. It's not that I mind seeing Michelle, in fact, the exact opposite. What I had a problem with was that her wedding planner had called me to ask for my size for the bridesmaid dress. I was not informed that I had to actually participate in the over-hyped and overexposed wedding. When I had inquired what the color of the dress was, they had told me it was hot pink. Hot pink?! Did someone hit a pan over her head?_

_In any event, I had immediately called Michelle and told her I wouldn't be able to make it seeing as how I had previous arrangements. I was about to get out of when Sebastian grabbed the phone from my hand and told his cousin that I was just joking around and that she'd be seeing us. I was furious and had packed some of my things and left._

I was close to falling asleep when I heard someone plop down next to me and poke me in the ribs. Annoyed, I opened my eyes and was about to reprimand them when I saw dark green eyes staring back at me.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late."

"What are you doing here? And what are you late for?"

He chuckles at me, "Are you deaf Kathryn? Or heavily medicated? I delayed this flight from taking off for 1/2 an hour now because my plane came in late. I had to flirt like hell with the flight concierge to make sure I'd be here right now. When I walked onto the flight, everyone looked like they wanted to kill me when I stepped on board."

I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Ok fine, after they actually had a good look at me and I smiled an innocent smile, they didn't look so hostile."

We laugh as I see Sebastian scowl out of the corner of my eye.

Despite my attempts of making sure I didn't end up with the same plane as him, he still found a way to find which flight I was taking. That didn't mean of course that I couldn't make sure he wouldn't sit next to me. I had convinced the booking agent to move him out of my row to the right side of the plane before everyone had been filed onto the plane.

As the plane takes off, I let myself fall back and drift away.

------

Someone is nudging my arm.

"Kathryn," someone whispers.

Whoever's nudging me is consistent. I only bury my head deeper into something warm next to my face though. Ignorance is bliss. I begin to see the traces of mist again.

Nudge.

The warmth is moving away again. I reach out and try to clutch onto it. I manage to.

"Kathryn," someone loudly hisses into my ear.

I try to push the voice away and hear curses in return.

"Goddamn sleep-depriving assholes. Leave me alone." I mutter as I move my body to the left and try to get back to sleep.

A hand is on my shoulder now shaking me.

Last straw.

I instantaneously open my eyes and whip around towards the intruder at hand in my death glare mode.

"What the fuck." I hiss.

As my vision clears, I make out Sebastian standing before me on the aisle looking tired, anxious, and irritated. I find this slightly amusing for a second before I realize he is the reason why I'm now awake. I turn to Erik and see him mouthing something I can't make out.

"What?!"

Finding the source of my momentary deafness, I shove off my headphones and look expectantly at Erik.

"He wants to talk to yo…"

"No."

"Kathryn…" I hear Sebastian start saying.

I look at Sebastian and repeat myself.

"No."

"I'm going to go sit in Sebastian's seat while you guys work this out."

Erik begins to get up and I attach my hand to his arm when he's mid-air. He then turns to me, smiles warmly like he always does, and leans down toward my right ear.

"Stubbornness wears thin Kathryn. It doesn't mean you become weak when you throw it away. It just means you find better ways to control situations. I'll be near if you need me."

And with that, he lightly kisses my temple and walks away.

"How long do you plan on ignoring me?" he says as he sits down.

I look away and place the headphones back on. I start to watch this horrendous movie on the screen when Sebastian places his palm on my cheeks and makes me look at him. He leans in to kiss me and for a split second I let him.

He gently pulls my headphones off as I turn away from him once again.

"Kathryn, look at me."

"Bastard" I say as I turn to look at him.

He smirks and I have this strong urge to slap it off of him.

"I want your journal. And until you give it to me, we're officially over."

He scowls as I jerk away from his touch and place the headphones back on.

I turn to him once more before I become done with him, "Oh and please tell Erik to come back over as you will be vacating his seat in 3 seconds." I give him a hard stare and he gets up as I turn away.

------

"_No! Don't go!"_

"_I have to. I'm so sorry."_

PLOP.

What the fuck. I groggily open my eyes as I see something on my lap. Sebastian's journal. I look up to see he's headed towards the lavatories. I turn my attention back to the journal at hand as he disappears from my sight and open it up.

"Meet me in the restroom."

I flip through the journal and see that this is the only thing written in it. Teasing asshole. As I get up, I notice that Erik is asleep and that even in his sleep, he looks put together. No drooling, or contorted expression. How can someone be that perfect?

Making my way towards the lavatory Sebastian entered, I look left and right before I open the door and step in. Before I can berate him, I am immediately moved away from the door as he blocks my only way out. I narrow my eyes at him as he puts his hand up to try to touch my cheek.

"Do you always have to be such a coldhearted bitch?"

"Do you always have to be such an incompetent manwhore?"

"Touché."

I try for the door handle and he simply wraps his right arm from my waist to my upper back and holds me flush against him. I unconsciously relax to him.

He whispers into my ear, "I've told you time and time again Kathryn. You don't want to see what I wrote in that journal you keep asking for."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

I start to object again when he places a kiss behind my left ear. I hiss response.

"You're not playing fairly."

He chuckles, "Hypocrite."

We both smirk at each other before I remember why I was angry at him.

"I was serious about the journal. We're over," I say as I try to pull away from him as far as I could in a cramped up room like this one.

He groans in response.

"Kathryn."

"No. I need to read it."

He stares at me for a while trying to see if he would be able to persuade me otherwise. I hold my ground and he turns around and moves his hand up to unlock the door. In a flash, I abruptly swing him back around and roughly bring his head down to a bruising kiss. We struggle against each other as our tongues dueled for dominance. I somehow maneuver us around so I could push him down onto the seat cover and straddle him. We hold out as long as we could before we had to break away for air. Our foreheads rest against each other in exhaustion.

I lean in for one more kiss before I remove myself from his lap.

Before I leave, I turn back around one last time.

"I'm ready Valmont. The question is: Are you?"

* * *

A/N: Please notify me when this story is no longer bearable. ;) Reviews are always welcome. 

_S: I'm glad you liked it. And I only hope that I can continue this. Because writing in this format is pretty new to me and I wouldn't know how long I could last with it. _

_RAWRxIMAxDINOSAUR: Thanks for the support ) although I don't think I really have any story lines. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6—

"I can't do it Kathryn."

I breathe in a little before I reply.

"Where are you?"

Silence.

I check my phone to see if the line went dead. I see that the line is still intact.

"Where." I ask more definitively.

"The beach we used to go to."

"I'm there."

* * *

The wind rippled through our hair as I speeded down the highway at 120mph. 

I don't ask questions. I don't glance sideways. I don't let my curiosity get the best of me. I know I'll get answers soon enough.

So I keep my cool. I stare straight ahead. And the silence envelops us both for a while. I think about the chaos we've left behind and I smirk at the prospect of search parties being dispatched. They, of course, would never find us.

"I'm in love with someone else."

And suddenly I feel as if I've been slapped across the face.

"What?!"

"I couldn't do it because I'm in love with someone else."

"Who?"

We simultaneously glance at each other before she turns away.

I hear her mutter something.

"Michelle."

She stares out her window and looks like she's in another world.

I begin to prepare to let my anger get the best of me when she starts talking.

"I thought I'd get over him. I thought if I married Tom that I'd be able to escape. Escape from giving myself to someone so completely. I was afraid then. I couldn't… I couldn't let myself lose control. So I made sure that he'd catch me in bed with his best friend. I wouldn't have been able to pull off breaking up with him. He would have made me look in his eyes and say that I didn't want to be with him. And I wouldn't have been able to do that. God, I was so stupid Kathryn. I was stupid to believe that what I was doing had to be done to preserve my independence, my freedom."

She pauses. I could feel her eyes on me all of a sudden. I could see that the air had tensioned around us.

"I broke him. And in the process, I broke myself."

I couldn't think of what to say. So I did the only thing I could think of, to get us as far away as possible from reality and pushed the car into the 200mph zone.

* * *

Once we arrived at the villa, Michelle walked forlornly to one of the rooms and locked herself in. 

I turned on _The Roots_ at full blast before I threw myself down on one of the couches in the living room.

_The air felt different when I stepped into the wing. An unexplained chill went down my spine as I quietly moved towards the only door with light seeping through it. I delicately placed my ear on the oak wood._

_"__Did you think you would get away with what you did Abby?" I heard someone drawl with a hint of malice._

"_Do what you will Anthony. But I will never be yours." I heard my Aunt Abby sternly reply._

_Quick footsteps followed and I heard struggling on the other end of the door. I clasped my small hands over my mouth._

"_YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE!!! Do you hear me Abby?!"_

_The next sounds I heard was clothes being ripped and a controlled desperate cry from what I could only imagine as my aunt. I was at a lost at this point. I wanted to help. But I saw this Anthony asshole at the ball earlier and knew he could overpower me in all situations I could imagine in saving my aunt._

_The cries grew louder after a few minutes and I stayed rooted to my spot. Suddenly a hand found their way across my waist and I instantly jumped at the surprise._

_Sebastian was looking at me through eyes I couldn't interpret and pulled my body flush against his._

"_There's nothing we can do Kathryn. We have to run." He whispered into my left ear before letting me go and taking hold of my hand._

_He starts to walk away and I take one last glance at the door that separated me from my aunt. The aunt that taught me to hope for the best in people, how to tie my shoelaces correctly, the one that held me while I cried in her arms after fights with my god-awful mother. She was being taken away from me and I suddenly started feeling the innocence left me in me being taken away as well._

_Sebastian tugged me away as the sound of screaming started dying down._

_Vengeance is mine._

My eyes open then. And I remember the satisfaction of accomplishing my task of castrating Anthony. His cries. The blood. How he could be barely called a human being afterwards. But even after I destroyed him, the hole in my heart was never repaired. My aunt was still dead. And no amount of pain and suffering could ever remedy that.

Night had fallen by the time I had awakened. The music had stopped. And I let the silence wash over me.

Then

My phone started ringing.

I didn't bother looking at the caller id before I flipped it open.

"What?!"

"Kathryn, where the fuck are you?! I've called your phone a million times. Michelle's gone missing and Erik's been driving like a maniac through miles and miles of countryside and I have no idea where he's driving to. He refuses to stop…"

I decide to cut him off and ask him the only thing I was interested in.

"Will I be given access to your journal if I tell you where I am?"

I can hear his frustration and the low growl he gives.

"I take that as a no. Then no, Valmont. Fuck off."

I hear him protesting in the background when I click off the phone and turn the thing off.

I was slightly startled when I heard Michelle start speaking from somewhere in the room.

"You know, you shouldn't be so hard on Sebastian. There are things in his journal that you wouldn't be too pleased to read."

I turned my head in the direction towards where her voice came from and saw that she was lying on the carpet staring up at the ceiling.

"How long have you been there?"

"Since sundown."

"I take it that you've seen his journal then."

"No. I just know what's in it after he relayed some of it to me in different periods of time. Times when he found himself completely lost and frustrated."

"I need him to let me in first before I let him in. Because once I let him completely in, there's no turning back. I won't be able to go back. And I need to know that we won't break each other. Like what happened between you and this other guy you won't tell me the identity of. I can't run anymore. And I need to know that Sebastian won't run."

I turn my head to the floor and we regard each other in the moment of vulnerability we're both in. She turns after a little bit and continues her examination of the ceiling.

"Erik. I ran from Erik."

And for the second time in a day, I felt another slap penetrating my cheek without any way I could've stopped it.

* * *

**Summerlandlover: Thank you. And I love Kathryn in this too. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**S: There. An update. Now, please do not flashback in desunt. ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7—

The sky is mocking me. With its blank slate, its perfect darkness, its unmarked surface.

I hear a bell methodically ring in the distance and I know it's three a.m. now. And I am alone.

Church bells. Cathedral bells. It's funny how a part of the church still has a hold of me. It's taken time out of my grasp and has thrust it back into my cold calculating hands with words, with a definitive control.

A breeze floats atop of me and I close my eyes just for a second, feeling the wisps against my ears. I relish the sound it makes. And once again the remainder of the day's heat is in the air again, taking hold of me once again.

I used to be able to hear Sebastian's heartbeat in my ears, the thuds it would make in each second no matter how close or far apart we were. I never lost the pattern, the certainty of knowing when his next heartbeat was going to be. All I can hear now though is the air surrounding me and the occasional breeze.

We've disconnected. The tie has snapped.

And I can no longer see myself. Mirrors no longer exist.

With this last thought, this last admittance, I feel a single tear begin to trail itself down my cheek. And with as much as I can muster from within, I try to turn the droplet to ice.

I am a failure.

* * *

_Sign here please._

_What are you doing?_

_Where are you going?_

_I want what's mine._

_So you give up?_

_Are you running?_

_Stop!_

* * *

"Kathryn" someone whispers in my ear.

I remain still.

A hand runs through my hair and I feel hot air on my forehead.

Soon, a finger traces the remnants of what I can only imagine as the tear that had come from my eye.

He sighs and lightly touches my cheeks with his right knuckles.

I feel him lift my left hand and place it on his chest, where his heart is.

And I instantly start memorizing the pattern again, let the beats resonate through my head until I have the pattern memorized again.

"You're awake Kathryn. I can see the extremely faint lines on your forehead. You're focused on something. Just open your eyes."

I remain still.

"Let go. Just please… let go. I'm tired Kathryn. I'm going to pass out soon if you don't open your eyes."

He hear him shift and can feel his face millimeters away from mine and feel his forehead press against mine. His other hand touches the weakest spot in my body and I can't help but flinch.

Fucking bastard. He wasn't playing fair.

And despite myself, my eyes flash open and I can see every detail in his eyes. Exhaustion is staring at me.

"We can't be owned Sebastian."

He smirks knowingly.

"I know."

"We are bound to each other."

"I know. Can you quit stating the obvious?" he says irritatingly.

I grab him where it hurts and pinched.

His eyes narrow but he remains silent.

"I was getting to a point."

"Fine."

I release him and feel his pulse slow back to normal.

"But despite everything, you're still mine. And I'm still yours. Yes, I'm yours. Don't be so surprised. I've _been_ yours and you know it. We are however still individuals. No matter what we are now. No matter the changes we've undertaken. We are still… us. Do you understand?"

He stays quiet for a while and searches my eyes for something. And I let him. I let him figure it out because I sure as hell couldn't at this moment.

And with a tilt of the head, our worlds collide once more.

**--**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8—

Let the anger consume me.

I want it to reach from the veins of the tips of my fingers, travel through my backbones, and hit indefinitely to my feet. I want red everywhere. The surge. I need it to cloud over my eyes. I need everything to be red. FUCK! I need red.

Click. Clack. Click. Clack.

All sound leaves me. I see nothing but red and hear nothing but the pounds my shoes take on the pavement. My hands are becoming red against the cold. The biting wind balances the red. I am red. Fucking Sebastian. Some vestige of sound makes its way through the red and I can tell people are being knocked over. People are falling, getting slammed against, moving out of the way.

Sigh… I am becoming peacefully consumed with RED.

* * *

"GET OUT" 

"Kathryn…"

"I have no words for you Valmont! I have." I pause, holding onto the last threads of dignity and sanity I have left.

"I have no more for you."

I walk slowly over to him and place my hand on the back of his neck. His body instantly relaxes. Cold turns to heat and I contemplate momentarily about letting it go. However, the images make its way from the back of my head and flashes before my eyes. And I realize it's beyond me. The decision was made without my consent, ripped away. And the two of use would have to live with it.

I bring his head down and my body becomes tingled with warmth. I cling to this for a while. The history between us overwhelming any train of thought. Any thoughts of wanting to see black. Closing my eyes tightly, a few tears ran out and trailed from my cheeks to his as I pulled away.

Straightening myself out, I turned around and reminded myself why I was here and what had transpired.

I coldly and quietly said, "I'm leaving. When I step back in here, I want all remnants of you gone. It's done."

I feel his arms snake its way across my waist as he pulls up against me. My body tenses as I feel his nose in my hair, taking a deep breath. I try to pull away but he holds on.

Mustering up the coldness that was already beginning to seep away, I said, "Let me go."

"No. I'm not fucking letting you go. Not until you know the"

I put my high heel in the air and slammed it down on his right shoe. He instantly starts cussing as he hops around like some fucking bunny. I knew it was a good idea to get these shoes despite the high price, even for me.

I start striding away and see him trying to catch up to me. I immediately turned around and kicked him in the groin. His face starts turning purple and I make my way toward the phone and call security.

"I want two guards up here immediately to escort Mr. Valmont off the property. NOW."

I slam the phone down when I hear "Yes M'a…"

I then turn my head over to the crumpled man on the floor.

"You had me Valmont. And I was willing to let you leave with some dignity. But now I don't give a fuck. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! I saw what I saw. There's no fucking way you can explain yourself out of this. You can say goodbye to everything you have by the way because I'm throwing you out now. And I'm burning that goddamn journal of yours. It belongs to no one but the flames that will engulf it."

And with that, I hear two prompt knocks on the door and I swiftly make my way over to it.

Two burly men walk in and immediately spot him on the floor. I can see the evil glints in their eyes, probably from the rude way Valmont always walked in and flipped them off. I give them the nod and one of them picks him up pig style while effectively wrinkling the Dolce suit he had just purchased. After a few seconds, he was out and I was done. It was done.

-----


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9—

I feel as if all weight has disappeared in my body. Light as a feather. I take the metal from my hand and drop it in the air. I'll be joining it soon. Floating in the air. Descending.

"_You're not really going to do it right?"_

"_I'm done Blaine."_

"_Kathryn…" He starts._

_I take my steps, proceed to leave._

"_Kathryn!" He screams and I hear his footsteps swiftly close in on me._

"_Don't do it Kathryn. You can't." He pauses, "You shouldn't"_

"_Oh but I must."_

_I smile fondly at him and run my hand through his hair. I lean in and give him a chaste kiss on his cheek._

"_It's too late. It's done. Don't forget me ok?"_

_And with that, I turn the doorknob and step out._

My body temperature has dramatically dropped. And I can feel the ice in my veins now, the frigidity of my soul. With one last shiver, I do the last graceful thing I'll ever do, I dive.

SLAM

ROLL

I can feel the scratches starting to form. A bump here and there. The blood oozing.

Why the fuck aren't I floating?

Instead, I feel a large pressure applied on every point of my body. Something is suffocating me.

Fuck, this hurted.

I groan in agony.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my back. Suddenly I feel lifted, weightless.

What the fuck.

I hear a raspy groan. Why does that sound familiar?

I opt to remain closing my eyes, preferring to see black than reality.

Someone is muttering incomprehensible words above me.

"Can't believe… stupid of… what the fuck… I'm going to kill Blaine…"

Motherfucker.

I focus on ignoring the pain. I fade out everything else as I prepare to raise hell on earth.

Elbow, slam, kick, hop, land.

Slight splays of blood appear on different locations of his body. Yet, he's still fucking gorgeous.

I am fuming.

"You had no right! No right. You BASTARD. I control myself, the things I do, who I date, who I dump, who I fuck with or over. You have ABSOLUTELY no say, ZERO impact. You **forfeited** that right. And most definitely have **zero** say on whether or not I can jump off a goddamn building."

He fumbles to stand. I kick him in the shin, hard. And he is once again groaning in pain. I am not even close to feeling satisfied.

"I AM NOT DONE VALMONT. I am so not done with you. You have absolutely no idea what I've gone through. How much it hurt after you left. I had let you in. Let you fucking in. Idiotic of me. Biggest mistake of my life. I let you piece back together all my broken jagged pieces. ONLY to have you break me all over again. Beyond repair. The blood I've shed trying to piece myself together only to get cut time and time again, reaching blindly around me like a fucking homeless person desperate for food at four am in the morning. Not being able to sleep because of the nightmares. I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANY LONGER. I can't. I'm too fucking broken Valmont. TOO FUCKING BROKEN. Too fucking…"

And I find myself unable to stand any longer, on the floor on fire.

"Kathryn, I don't give a fuck how fucking broken you are! I don't give a shit how many times you fucking start to castrate me, hit or kick me where it hurts. I'm not going to let you end your pathetic little life like this. You are not dying like this. I won't let you off the hook this easily. The Kathryn I know would rather cut off someone's balls off for the thrill of it than even be in this situation. She'd rather kill off a dozen assholes or bitches than jump. And I am just as fucked up as you are Kathryn. I've suffered just as much. I can feel everything you fucking feel. Two of a kind remember? You're the bitch and I'm the bastard. I'm ready to fight you Kathryn. I'm ready to fight you from jumping off this goddamn roof. Ready you little whore?"

And I find myself smirking before standing up.

--

The End.


End file.
